When I talk about ‘family’ I am talking about couples or parents with children. Families come in various forms; the challenges that beset families per se are also common among friends who move to another country together. So I guess you might also throw them into the mix as well. Moving to a new country as a family can be huge, so let’s dive in.
What We Have Seen and Experienced
Having moved as a family we have experienced firsthand the trials and tribulations that go along with that. Of course, it is not all bad In fact, having a family is a blessing, regardless of whether or not you are relocating. But not without challenges.
We have met many families and noticed some common issues in the familial dynamic. Indeed, it is such a common issue to see various degrees of friction from the relocation process that I feel it is well worth unpacking the problem.
You can only fix what you can see.
First Things First. What is Your ‘Why’?
In a recent video, I spoke about ways to keep your sanity as you move to another country. I believe in many ways the most important thing, is to know your ‘why’.
First, I acknowledge that the ‘why’ concept is the brainchild of author Simon Sinek.
Essentially, I say that knowing your ‘why’ is crucially important because you will be asking yourself that question regularly. Moving is one, long challenge; and whenever we are challenged, we inevitably ask ourselves ‘Why am I doing this?’
The stronger your understanding of ‘why’ the better you can provide a definitive answer to that little voice in your head, and the sooner you can get on with the task at hand.
It sounds so simple, almost too simple, but it is not until you are in the cauldron that you come to appreciate the value of knowing your ‘why.’
Your ‘Why’s’ Should Ideally Align
You are a team, and teams must be on the same page, or things generally do not go well.
We have seen families split apart. Sometimes it is because their ‘whys’ were not aligned.
Know Your Not-Negotiable’s
We have also witnessed families that moved from one country to another, only to find their plans were derailed because one of the parties had a non-disclosed ‘not negotiable’. ‘I have to be near a beach’ or ‘I cannot bear being away from a major city.’
All valid needs, but to realize only when you arrive at a country can result in a split in the team.
There is no point in moving to a land-locked country only to realize that you cannot bear going without being near a beach. It might only be one member of the family that feels this way. It is easy to see how this could cause havoc in the unity of the family.
The Challenges of Moving With Children
Access to education, social networks, different food, culture, language…and then throw in the element of youth.
For some families, this challenge is just too much.
The Judgement of Others
Parents have the added pressure of judgment from family back in their ‘home country.’ People can cast the most ridiculous, even hysterical, aspersions on parents of families that move to another country. Armchair critics go as far as claiming that moving can be a form of child abuse.
On the contrary, moving can be a life-enriching experience for children. Children flourish when families move to a country and extricate themselves from the modern indoctrination system aka the ‘Education System’.
Often critics have head rattles with their own inability to extract themselves from a life less lived; so they look for ways to make themselves feel better.
The Age of Children Is a Major Factor
Generally speaking, the younger the children the easier it is for them to transition. Language acquisition, culture, food, climate…young children are amazingly adaptable.
The challenges are most pronounced when they are on the cusp or smack bang in the middle of teenage-hood. Minor things can become major, and drama is often not far away.
Our Experience
At the time of writing this, our children are 15 and 13 years of age.
There have been challenges, and often we have had spirited discussions about the pros and cons of moving to Paraguay. Interestingly however, as our children mature they are acclimatizing to the realities of their new home, and also developing an understanding of why we have chosen our path.
We do not know what the future holds in terms of where our children will decide to venture once they are old enough to decide. Of course, we would like them to stay with us here in Paraguay, but if they go elsewhere they will go with our blessing and support.
Regardless of where they go, we know they will be capable of adapting. Our children have already been through the process with our support.
Our children are articulate, worldly, and intuitive; all largely thanks to our travel experiences.
Regardless, we are glad we decided to move before they were in full-blown teenage mode.
We have always encouraged them to maintaiin contact with their New Zealand and Australian friends and this has worked really well. By doing this they have come to accept that they are not missing out on a whole lot…and in return, appreciate that they are living an interesting life.
Every family will find their own way. By remaining mindful of the stress points and proactively managing them before they escalate, families are better placed to survive and thrive in their new country.
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